1%
Seems like such a tiny number doesn't it? And it is. Tiny, infinitesimal......unless it's your baby. When it's your baby it's a HUGE all consuming number that packages fear and uncertainty into it's tiny little self.
I KNOW that statistically Ellery is probably 100% fine - but statistics don't help when it's the little one in your belly that kicks every now and then to make you aware of her presence.
I'm scared....and I probably shouldn't be. Rationally I know that the doctors HAVE to do this stuff. . . they don't want to be sued if something *is* truly wrong and they didn't run the proper tests etc. to know. I just hate it. I hate being scared. I hate not knowing. I hate thinking I won't be strong enough as the "what ifs" play through my mind.
I hate it.
And then I feel bad for complaining . .John and I have been SO SO blessed with this pregnancy: we got pregnant on the first try (we weren't really even trying LOL), I've had NO morning sickness, just a lot of fatigue and headaches but for the most part I've felt FANTASTIC. My weight gain is totally under control (7.5 lbs @ 6 months pregnant). It's honestly been a dream pregnancy. So what am I complaining about right??? Yeah.....that makes me feel guilty for even THINKING some of the things I've been thinking :(
My head is totally in a jumble but I wanted to have a record of these thoughts...they're important. Today's an important day. And I'm scared. So very scared.
I KNOW that statistically Ellery is probably 100% fine - but statistics don't help when it's the little one in your belly that kicks every now and then to make you aware of her presence.
I'm scared....and I probably shouldn't be. Rationally I know that the doctors HAVE to do this stuff. . . they don't want to be sued if something *is* truly wrong and they didn't run the proper tests etc. to know. I just hate it. I hate being scared. I hate not knowing. I hate thinking I won't be strong enough as the "what ifs" play through my mind.
I hate it.
And then I feel bad for complaining . .John and I have been SO SO blessed with this pregnancy: we got pregnant on the first try (we weren't really even trying LOL), I've had NO morning sickness, just a lot of fatigue and headaches but for the most part I've felt FANTASTIC. My weight gain is totally under control (7.5 lbs @ 6 months pregnant). It's honestly been a dream pregnancy. So what am I complaining about right??? Yeah.....that makes me feel guilty for even THINKING some of the things I've been thinking :(
My head is totally in a jumble but I wanted to have a record of these thoughts...they're important. Today's an important day. And I'm scared. So very scared.
posted by {Amanda} at 4:38 AM
2 Comments:
I COMPLETELY sympathize with you about the feelings you're having. They're completely normal, I've decided. Anyone who tells you otherwise, has never been pregnant. I'm sure you're little Ellery is just fine and it's good that you're having the tests done so you'll know what's going on and will put the exaggeration race your mind is playing to rest.
I know this is so hard but take a deep breath and try to relax. Focus on the goodness of the baby. She'll be able to pick up on your stress and her heartbeat will raise too, so try to relax. Again easier said than done - but since I had a panic moment in Week 7 I completely understand.
Just keep thinking happy baby Ellery thoughts! I'll say a prayer and have some good thoughts for you!
{{{HUGS}}}
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