MORE ellery pics

sorry for the sideways ones!!!

Difficulties....it's hard to admit

My mom raised me to be an independant person......and I am. This week I've learned that I'm independant to a fault.

I've had a really really hard week. Full of emotions, and frustration and tears and screaming. It hasn't been fun. In fact, it's been downright scary.

I resisted having my mom stay with us when the baby came home - I was going to do it on my own (okay me and John). Things were okay for a little while, then the inevitable happened. Ellery started getting fussier and fussier and I was getting more and more anxious.

I started to wonder if John and I had made a mistake, I was convinced I was a horrible mother especially when I was wondering if I even loved this little being who was so dependant on me for EVERYTHING and was sucking the life out of me. After I wondered that I found myself mired in guilt FOR feeling like that :( it's a vicious cycle

Needless to say I had a "breakdown". I use the quotes because it's clearly not a full fledged nervous breakdown but it was enough to make me stop and say "I need help. I am not myself right now, although I know that hormones and things are in play, it's still MORE than that". So after some soul searching and conversations with various friends and family I went to the doctor's yesterday. He told me that I was normal and that everything I was feeling was okay. The medical assistant told me how proud they were of me for calling and coming in . . since not everyone does. That made me feel better. I left with 2 prescriptions and some hope. Hope that things will get better. . hope that I *can* do this.......hope.....it's a powerful thing. .maybe even more powerful than what I was feeling before.

my "push" present

I hate referring to it as that though!!!

john picked it out all by himself. . . he's actually going to have 3 of the diamonds replaced with garnets and it will be my mother's ring...

it's a diamond right hand ring....he wanted something unique and different instead of the "typical" mother's ring.....

My Birth Story (very LONG)

I woke up on Friday morning January 12 and didn’t feel right. I brushed it off since I’d been feeling like crap for a while. I got dressed and left for work. I was having what I figured were contractions and timed them partway to work. They were coming every 6 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds. I called John, who was still at home, and told him I was turning around and to call the doctor. Dr. Freedman told me not to call back until they were 4-5 minutes apart lasting for a minute or more. All day Friday I was having contractions pretty regularly. By Friday night they hit the criteria Dr. Freedman had specified so we called the covering doctor and he sent us to labor and delivery.

We got to labor and delivery about 9:30 or so on Friday night and they checked me and I was not dilated at all. They had me walk and put me in the Jacuzzi but no dice. We headed home about 2:30 Saturday morning, very disappointed.

After sleeping until about 10:30 John and I headed out to do errands and I was having more contractions which were more painful and lasting longer. However, since I didn’t ever think I would go from nothing to being in real labor in a few hours I wasn’t bothering to time them. By 8:30 Saturday night I was in a HUGE amount of pain, laying on the bed crying. I couldn’t make a decision about calling the doctor because I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the hospital and being sent home again. I talked to my mom, during that conversation I had a major anxiety attack and that spurred John into calling the doctor.

We again got to Winchester Hospital around 9:30 or so. The nurse I’d had the night before was on again and told me to go to “my room”, hook myself up to the monitors and she would be in if she felt like it – hehehe she was the best!!! She checked me and told me I was 4 centimeters dilated and I wouldn’t be going home without a baby!!! YAY!

My mom came and we settled in for the night. She and John were both my rocks throughout early labor. . . reminding me to breathe through contractions. I got a narcotic shot which took the edge off some and just waited until it was epidural time. In the meantime the covering doctor, Dr. Pesin, came in to introduce himself. The man looks like a blond, fat Elvis. He left and I looked at John and my mom and was like “ELVIS is delivering my baby??!!!” That was the comic relief for the night!!

The anesthesiologist came in at about 1 a.m. to prep me for my epidural and by 1:20 a.m. it was in and I was in a MUCH better mood. So then it was just a waiting game. Mom, John and I dozed and tried to rest but I was definitely way too excited to get much sleep.

At about 4:30 a.m. they checked me again and I was still only at 8 centimeters and they felt the baby was “sunny side up” so they hung a bag of pitocin and we waited some more to see if she would turn. At about 5:45 the anesthesiologist came back to top off my epidural as I was beginning to feel the contractions again.

The shift changed at 7 a.m. and my new nurse came in and introduced herself and checked me. At about 7:45 I called the nurse as I was feeling some serious pressure in my bottom. She checked me and asked “are you ready to have a baby soon?” I couldn’t believe it was almost time and at that point I started shivering and shaking. ..nerves I guess.

Sharon (the nurse), explained exactly how I would be pushing and for how long etc. I think I started pushing a little after 8 a.m. Apparently I’m pretty good at it since I only had about 3 “sessions” of pushing. .each 3 or 4 pushes. John said her head started coming out and you could only see the top. Sharon turned to call the doctor into the room since she was crowning and by the time she turned back the baby’s head was pretty much out. She tried to have me hold on and finally was like “oh just forget it go ahead” and one more push and Miss Ellery made her VERY LOUD entrance into the world. The doctor never made it in, Sharon delivered her and didn’t even have time to put on gloves!!! I would then be known in labor and delivery and the maternity unit as the woman whose baby just fell out.

Ellery was immediately placed on my chest and I just remember sobbing and sobbing and looking at John who was crying and he kept saying “look at her, look at our baby!!!” Dr. Pesin finally showed up, the placenta came out with one push and my mom cut Ellery’s cord and it was over. Because I delivered so fast I tore; it was described to me as “high and inside” but it was a tissue tear, no muscle, so I was pretty lucky. Dr. Pesin began stitching me up which actually took longer than my delivery! He’s very thorough but VERY slow and he took so long that my epidural wore off and he didn’t give me a local right away. I’d definitely say the stitching part was 100% worse than labor and delivery combined.

As promised - pictures

I think she's so freakin' adorable. . .but I guess I *might* be biased :)

She's HERE!!!

Ellery Rose Palmer
01.14.2007
8:18 a.m.
7lbs 2oz.
20 inches long

photos and birth story to come!!!

38 week thoughts and doctor's appointment

so....38 weeks. . the homestretch. I'm all at once sooo excited and SOOO terrified. . . who knew that there are so many EMOTIONS when it comes to pregnancy. LOL

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday - nothing exciting (sadly LOL). My weight is exactly the same. . . from my last WW weigh in (which was the day before I took my pregnancy test) I have gained exactly 40lbs. Hopefully that'll be it. . . .not that I'm obsessed with my weight but I lost 54lbs right before getting pregnant. . so it would be nice not to gain it ALL back LOL.

Let's see. . what else. . my blood pressure was actually pretty low, which was nice. . .blood work from last time all came back fine. . . . . blah blah blah. . . had a frickin' internal (OMG that hurts). . .and NOTHING is happening :( I am neither dilated nor effaced :( . I know that logically it means NOTHING because I could go from being nothing to having this baby. . . and I know that even if I was dilated it doesn't mean I'd have her anytime soon. . but it's sort of a mental thing. .you know??!!!

I asked Dr. Freedman yesterday about induction. I.e. how long they would wait before they induce. He said about 41.5 weeks - which would put me in February. Hmm February's birthstone is prettier ROFL :) Let's hope it doesn't come to that. He said that they don't like to induce before that because I would more than likely have a section if they induce too early.

I made an appointment to see him next week (I have to actually go to the hospital to see him. . groan) . . maybe I won't need it

38 weeks

How your baby's growing: Your baby has really fattened up. She likely weighs between 6 and 7 1/2 pounds now (boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls), and she's probably between 19 and 20 inches long. She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test with your pinky! Her organs are fully developed and in place, but her lungs and brain — though developed enough for her to function now — will continue to mature right through childhood.

Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If your baby is born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

How your life's changing:
It may be harder than ever to get comfortable enough to sleep well at night. Take it easy through the day — this may be your last opportunity to do so for quite a while. Keep monitoring your baby's movements, too. Though she's crowded, she should still be active.Swelling of your feet is normal in these last weeks, but if you notice any swelling of your hands or face, sudden weight gain, persistent or severe headaches, blurry vision or spots before your eyes, or upper abdominal pain, call your practitioner right away, because these are symptoms of a serious condition called preeclampsia.

Encourage your partner to relax and enjoy some activities he won't have time for after the baby arrives. Also, have him check out the inspirational reading section in our bookstore. He might find some good materials for labor day.

I'll know right??

Yes Ellery. .this is Mommy's new fear. . that I'm not going to know when I'm in labor until it's too late. . . too late for what??? I'm not really sure LOL - but just too late.

Friday afternoon I left work at 2pm. I would have sworn that this was IT. . but alas. . it wasn't. .I went home. . laid down. . had some crampy tightness on and off, intestinal issues (TMI) and some serious nausea. . . and I thought that it was the time. . . but alas. . nothin'.

I don't even know what a contraction is supposed to feel like. . so how am I supposed to know if I'm having them??!!

everyone keeps saying. . oh you'll know. ... .will I though? really??

So. since there was no baby this weekend. . here's what we did instead:

Sat. - went to the mall to preorder a game for John's Wii . . went to Kohls. . bought John 2 more dress shirts and ties for work. . I got socks (regular and trouser LOL) and I found some SLAMMING deals in the clearance - winter and christmas PJs for next year for the E monster, a Halloween sleeper, a baby's first christmas and halloween bib. . . . good stuff. . nothing was over 6.00. . .everything was 50% off of the clearance price. . . then we went and saw Happily N'ever after. . big waste o'time

Yesterday was a day filled with baby stuff. .we hit Babies R Us for a stuffed animal hammock. . . John put the swing, pack and play and my new glider together....then he tried to put up the aforementioned toy hammock.

After a lot of swearing we just took it back and ended up picking out a white toybox for Miss E's room. . which we came home and he put together. We just have a few odds and ends to put away/organize hopefully tonight and her room will FINALLY be done.... (minus the mess of scrapbooking stuff that is in there . .which i NEED to make neater. . )

so...we're just waiting. ...2 weeks from tomorrow till the due date (not that THAT date means anything ROFL)

:)

37 weeks

from babycenter:


How your baby's growing: Congratulations! Your pregnancy is now considered full term — meaning your baby is developmentally ready to handle life outside the womb. (Babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 weeks are post-term.) Your baby probably weighs a little over 6 pounds at this point and measures between 19 and 20 inches, head to heel.

Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children are born blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

How your life's changing:
The next couple of weeks are a waiting game. Use this time to prepare your baby's nursery or to take care of tasks you may not get around to for a while after your baby's born. Take naps and catch up on your reading while you can.

Have you noticed an increase in the frequency or vividness of dreams lately? Anxiety about becoming a parent can fuel a lot of strange pregnancy dreams.

You may be getting a lot more Braxton Hicks contractions now, and they may last longer and be more uncomfortable. Sometimes — when they start to come frequently — you may even think you're in labor. You might also notice an increase in mucus discharge from your vagina. If you see some "bloody show" (the mucus plug tinged with a tiny amount of blood), labor is probably right around the corner! (If you have other spotting or bleeding, call your caregiver immediately.)

welcome to 2007!!!!

This truly is going to be the best year ever!!!

I'm officially 37 weeks today - feeling okay. .. VERY sore in the groin area. . . lots of pressure and stuff . . . . I go to bed every night thinking "what if tonight's the night" :)

why I have some idea stuck in my head that labor's going to begin at night I'm not sure - could be all those movies and TV shows that I've seen. Or I could be just trying to make myself feel better hoping that my water doesn't break at work or something :)

soooo we stayed home for new years eve BUT I did make it until midnight -which I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do. John and I rang in the new year on the couch with sparkling grape juice (Ellery your Daddy is SO thoughtful!!!) and talked about resolutions (or lack thereof) and our hopes for 2007. Tops on our list is, OF COURSE, a healthy, happy baby :)

The rest of the weekend saw us running errands (I still haven't learned when to STOP rofl). We hit Target. . got the post baby necessities (oh yeah. . that was fun ), also mylicon drops and infant tylenol (just in case :) ) .. . then we went to the Burlington Mall. . ate at cheesecake factory. . and did a little more shopping :). Sunday John played paintball and I sat on the couch (LOL) then we went and saw Night at the Museum - which was REALLY good :). Yesterday we were out shopping again . . hit Old Navy (got Ellery's valentine's outfit :) ) and got some stuff on clearance for NEXT winter :). .went to the mall . . .John searched in vain for another Wiimote.

Then yesterday when we got home we started deChristmasing the house. It makes me sad because it usually stays up another week or so. . but I'm starting to get anxious about getting everything ready for the baby - so John humored me and helped me take all the ornaments off the tree etc. etc. etc. My new favorite pasttime is throwing things out apparently. . who knew?? :)

I tackled more stuff in the baby's room (honestly. . who knew that one little baby needed SO MUCH stuff???!!!!) and John put the stroller together and installed the car seat in my car :) Check that one off the list :) :)